Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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