The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
