Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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