go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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