Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
