the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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