it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
