JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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