3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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