so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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