Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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