My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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