my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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