So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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