i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
