So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
