he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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