Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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