Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
