pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
