the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
