You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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