dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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