I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
