i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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