Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents