So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.