you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.