I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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