Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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