Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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