I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
