Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
