Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
