Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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