Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
