i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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