new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
