ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
