It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
