I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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