I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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