I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
