He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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