I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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