A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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