I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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