Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
