So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
