It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
