just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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