Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
