I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize