Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
