god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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