Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
