mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
