doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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