what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
