you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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