So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
