Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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