I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
