My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
