Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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