i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize