last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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