I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
