who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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