I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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