saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
