she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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