yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
