brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
