Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
