nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
