i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
