i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
