i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You're like the curious george of whores
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
