you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
